Dragonfly in Amber
by Faithfulpurelight
Summary: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can’t remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?
1. Chapter 1: Who we are today

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Author's Note**: This idea came to my sister and I after reading **Thole **by** elecktrum **and** Nighttime Demons **by** Sentimental Star.** Both are amazing writers and we thank you for your inspiration!** Ok note u must read!** My sister writes Lucy's and Susan's POVs. And I write Edmunds and Peter's. just letting you know so you do not get confused by the slightly different styles.

**WARNING!!: although we have Susan's POV and everything, I am warning Susan lovers that there is some serious Su bashing. We do not know if Susan will remember at the end of our story. So please do not kill us for Su bashing**

**Dedication**: I dedicate this chapter to my sister. Cause 1 she wrote it and 2, she's turning out to be an amazing little writer who might just have her own name on here some day. (Sniff sniff) well on with the show!

Finchly, England

Chapter one:Who we are today.

Lucy's POV

The streets of Finchly seem so foreign to me; although I have lived here most my childhood. Everything here makes me wish again for Narnia. Beautiful, wonderful Narnia. I wish again for the nights spent dancing with the fauns, the sunny afternoons spent learning from Orious the centaur, and for my magnificent Cair Paravel; where I am Queen Lucy the Valiant.

The Professor said that we would one day find our way back into Narnia, and he was right. My siblings and I did return there, but not to stay. And in turn, we found ourselves destined to stay in England, never to return to Narnia.

A stray cat comes to push against my legs, winding it's way around my feet. Looking around, I kneel down to scratch the dainty stray behind the ears; as I have done so many times with the various cats and foxes that had been my faithful companions at Cair Paravel. All the cat does is purr however.

Heart breaking, I lean down and whisper, "I wish you could talk as my friends did." Oh how I wanted to hear an animal speak to me again!

"Lucy hurry up!" It is Susan calling. She is taking me to buy a new dress. But the dresses here feel scratchy. I miss the feeling of Narnian fabrics.

In Narnia Susan had been Queen Susan the Gentle. She had been glorious in her beauty, and her compassion for all things that lived was unmatched. Susan however has forgotten Narnia. She is to preoccupied with nylons, lipstick, and parties. She's almost eighteen and to young to play our childish games.

My brother's are different from Susan though. My eldest brother was once known as High King Peter, the Magnificent. Peter had been sharp witted, strong willed, and a compassionate leader. He kept Narnia safe and going strong for all those years. He's eighteen now, but has never lost his love and devotion for the great lion Aslan.

My second older brother Edmund, was known during our reign as King Edmund the Just. After almost being killed by Jadis, the White Witch and dictator of Narnia, Ed became a graver and quieter man than Peter himself. He was patient, even tempered, and sharp minded. Making him perfect for law proceedings. Like our older brother, Edmund has kept his love for Narnia, and in some ways has a more fiercer devotion to Aslan than even Peter. For in Narnia, and with Aslan's help, he changed.

My brothers mean the world to me. They are the strong rock that keeps me from drowning in my own longing and sorrow for our Narnia. Aslan once told my siblings and I on the day of our coronation, _Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen._

It appears that the great lion was correct. Even after we returned from Narnia Peter has never lost his authority over us. I'm positive that Edmund and I would follow him anywhere. Edmund still contains his patience, and both my brothers have told me consistently that I am still brave as ever.

But we miss Susan. _Oh dear sweet Aslan. Deliver your daughter back into the truth of your power. Please dear Aslan if you have ever loved your children..._I begin to pray.

"LUCY!!!" Susan bellows. I rise and walk at a sedate pace to her side. I know Aslan has heard me. He always does. But I fear that though he may have immense power; not even he can bring back my sister if she does not wish to be saved.


	2. Chapter 2: Nightmares and Memories

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: to all my siblings who offer me comfort and keep me working. And are willing to let me talk their ears off so that u get this story

Finchly, England

Chapter 2: Nightmares and Memories

Peter's POV

A train whistle blows, jarring me from my fitful dozing. I am disoriented as I look around the compartment. What am I doing here? The train jerks back to life, sending me sprawling on the floor. I was not prepared for that.

I pull myself back onto the cushioned seat, a slight wince at the sore back. I know what I'm doing on this train. It should have come as no shock. The conductor calls for the next stop. Finchly. I am on my way home to see my family. Well, to see my siblings. I think I consider them family more than my parents.

I mean, we've been a family for more than 20 years. Narnia, and here in England. That's why it hurts so much to see Susan drifting away. She hasn't said it out loud yet, and I pray that I am wrong, but I can see Susan drifting away from Narnia. She doesn't believe in our adventures, taking them to be the imaginary games of bored war children.

I hope my younger siblings, Edmund and Lucy don't see what I see. It would crush them to know that the Queen who was a sister, mother, and friend to them has disappeared; replaced by a sister who mocks our adventures, and who tries to be around us as little as possible. The realization will be especially hard for Lucy. Although Ed enjoyed Susan's occasional mothering, Lu has always been closest to Su. They were best friends the way Edmund and I have become. When Lucy finally understands that Susan has forgotten, and is not coming back I fear the pain may become unbearable.

The train skids to a halt and I pick up my suitcase. I try to hide the smile on my face as I lean towards my companion in the car. My good friend Charlotte Airdiel lives in the very heart of London, while I live on the outskirts. She has come home for the winter holidays as well, and I want to say goodbye. I shake her gently, stifling a laugh as she jerks her head up.

"Bye Charlotte. I'll see you soon." She has me in a hug before I can say anything else. I relax into the familiar feeling and smell. She is the one person I have completely trusted since the four of us have come back to Narnia. I don't mean to say she knows about it, but I think if my brother and sisters said it was ok, I would tell her. I feel that she would understand, not completely but more than other people would. She's talking.

"You had better call Peter Pevensie! And I mean it! None of this, your to busy to drop your friend a call. The only excuse I will except, is that you are with your brother and sisters." I give her a small smile. Charlotte knows how much I have missed them. She seems to simply know that I am closer to my siblings then most our age. It's amazing how well she can read me. She even knows not to call herself my best friend; knowing that position has been claimed long ago by my younger brother.

"I'll call Charlotte. Don't worry." I pull away from her hug before hurrying of the train. The crisp clean air is refreshing after the stuff compartment. I wave as the train pulls away, watching until Charlotte is out of sight.

I look at my watch. It is early in the morning, just past midnight. My family thinks I am arriving later today. I wrote them saying that the earliest train time would meet the station at five this afternoon. Mom wrote me back, saying that Ed and Lu were so excited she could hardly control them. I wonder what they'll do when I walk down to breakfast later in the morning.

I hale a cab and soon am paying him at my house. As he speeds away I look up at my childhood home. But when I think of home I think of Cair Paravel. The ache in my heart hurts a little more. I am walking up the steps, although not paying attention to where I am going. I am to deep in thought.

It is true that when I think home I think Cair Paravel. When I think my country I think Narnia not England. And when I think of a loving family I think of my brother and sisters. And the ache that I know we all feel in our heart and souls grows a little more. But while England may not be Narnia, and the house not be home, England does have one thing. The thing that keeps me from giving into this pain. My siblings are still my siblings. And that's enough to make anywhere they are; home.

OoOoOoOoOo

The kitchen light has burned out. I have to feel my way around the room, tripping over chairs and boots. The stairs loom towards my left, and I swing that way wondering how many hours of sleep I will be able to get before breakfast. No more than three I am sure. It will take me a while to get to sleep.

I am at the foot of the stairs, praying to the lion that they will not creak when I here a scream. I know that scream. Know it all too well. The stairs fly under my feet as I take the three or four at a time. I rush down the hall as mother peeks her head out of her room. She is too startled by my presence to realize that someone is still screaming. Susan's door opens slowly and I catch a glimpse of a red haired girl behind my sister. I can hear Susan telling her friend she'll be right back. It is a comfort to know she is running behind me, all lady like manners gone in the moment of helping her younger sibling.

Edmund has already rushed from his room, slightly ahead of me as we skid to a halt. He has pushed the door open and is hugging my youngest sister. Neither realize I am there as Edmund tries to reassure Lucy. It must have been one hell of a nightmare. She's white as a ghost. I hear her sobbing into my brother's chest.

I can not take anymore of this. I need to be in that room! And I am by Lucy and Ed in an instant, hugging Lucy as best I can without taking her away from Edmund. She feels me beside her and lifts her head, her eyes shining with tears and surprise. She gives a little gasp before burying her head into my own shoulder. I look at my brother, wondering if he will take this as an insult. But apparently he does not mind. He gives a shaky laugh and gives me a hug as well before going back to rubbing Lucy's back in small circles.

Susan sits on the end of the bed, a worried air about her. I smile at her, but she does not seem to find solace in my smile the way Ed and Lu do. Lucy has finally calmed down enough so that Ed and I can find out what scared her so bad.

"What was it Lucy? Surely it wasn't the same one as last time." Susan speaks first, a tone in her voice that I do not like. I throw a glare at her, warning her not to push it. Lucy ignores it, looking between Edmund and me.

"It was awful. I know that much. But..." She does not need to say it. She can't remember the nightmare. It happens to Ed and I quite often too. I'm not sure which we prefer more. Remembering what we dreamed about or not.

"The one image I have is being in a room with one narrow window. It wasn't Cair Paravel though. The man in the room with me was dressed in Calormen style clothing. He had a very firm hold of my wrist..." She stopped to rub the wrist in question, almost as though it still hurt. "But I don't remember anything like that happening in my memories. Nothing even similar."

Edmund and I exchange a worried look that does not go unnoticed by Susan or Lucy. "What is it?" Lucy asks, her voice quivering. Edmund shakes his head.

"I don't remember ever even leaving you alone in the same room with a Calormen." He says quietly. I nod in agreement. Nothing of any sort comes to mind. Aside from Susan, Lucy had been safest during our Reign. She had come to battles of course, never allowing herself left behind, but that had been more for healing then fighting.

Susan tenses at the end of the bed. I try not to react, not wanting Edmund and Lucy to notice. I will talk to Susan after I calm Lu down. She has just had a terrible nightmare. She doesn't need this as well. But not much escapes Lucy's eye when it comes to Susan, Edmund, or I.

"Susan?" Edmund turns to look at his older sister as Lucy's voice trills threw the silence. Susan bites her lip before speaking. I pray to Aslan that she does not hurt them. _Not tonight...please dear Aslan not tonight._

"You simply had a bad dream Lucy. It has nothing to do with the," Crap. She's going to say it. She's going to break their hearts. Aslan knows she's already ripped into mine. I can still remember the conversation before I went to the University.

_(Flashback:)_

"_Su? Aren't you coming to talk to talk with Ed, Lu, and I about Nar..." I couldn't even get the name out before she snapped. _

"_Peter grow up! There is no such thing as Narnia! It was just a game we played at the Professor's to keep ourselves from getting bored. Your eighteen! Your going to the University. It's time you grew up too." _

_She had slammed her mascara down, and was on her feet. I could see no trace of Queen Susan the Gentle in her eyes. Now I saw only Susan. A Susan I did not like. My temper rose, and I took a deep breath, trying to keep it in check. It would not help matters to blow up at her._

"_How can you say that Susan? How can you turn your back on your friends, your country, yourself, us?" She glared at me. _

" _You're the one turning your back Peter Pevensie! England is our country! My friends are here! They are real, not part of an imaginary game! I am perfectly fine. I am being true to myself. You're the one who won't let himself go because of a stupid baby game! And you're leading Edmund and Lucy on this. This this...stupid thing! If you won't grow up for your sake or my sake, grow up for their sakes!" She pointed towards the other room where our siblings waited. "I know how much you care about them. So stop pretending for them!" She stood, breathing heavily. _

" _I can't do that Su. I'm the one of the two of us staying strong. Especially," I emphasized the word. " for their sakes!" We were shouting by now. I hoped that Ed and Lu couldn't hear. It would crush them. _

"_What would Aslan say?" I add in a whisper. It appears I have struck a nerve with my last speech. She picks up one of her many hair brushes and throws it at my head as I leave the room. _

_(End flashback)_

_Please don't let her say it._ I am begging of Aslan. "The games we used to play." She finishes. I flinch, watching my other siblings for their reactions. They seem stunned, but not as stunned as I would have thought. Maybe they did know that something had happened to Susan.

Whatever friend she has over is calling her, and without a backwards glace, Susan leaves. I think that hurts Lucy even more than the denial about Narnia. That Susan would leave her, hurting and scared from a nightmare.

I gather her into my arms. Even at thirteen she is small and light. "Come on guys." I lead them towards my room, which I next to Ed's. Lucy doesn't protest. I think she is afraid to be alone again. Edmund looks once towards his room, and shakes his head. He won't leave Lu alone either. I wonder if he's been having nightmares as well. I look to Lu, who nods her head slightly. Apparently both my brother and sister have been having a hard time with nightmares.

I put Lucy on the bed, laying down next to her, leaning slightly against the pillows and headboard. Ed lays down on her other side, one arm around her shoulders. She curls into my chest, a small smile gracing her lips as she falls asleep. The nightmares have left her for the night. And Edmund seems to realize this too, for he is asleep in minutes.

I mean to stay up all night. To wait a day or so longer until I can sleep as well. But the comfortable position Lu has put me in, and the lulling of Edmund's breathing has me to sleep minutes after my baby brother.

Tonight the three of us will be safe from nightmares. We have each others companionship and that is more than enough. But tomorrow will bring new problems and new nightmares, not to mention Susan's denial and ability to make that ache intensify immensely. But tomorrow is not here yet, and we sleep peacefully as we once did in Narnia.


	3. Chapter 3: Grow up!

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: to all my siblings who offer me comfort and keep me working. And are willing to let me talk their ears off so that u get this story. And to my reviewers. Because we write this story for them.

Finchly, England

Chapter 3: Grow up!

Susan's POV

Marilyn and I stay up late into the night, talking of friends, who's courting whom, and the parties we will be attending later in the month. I feel guilty, for not staying to comfort my sister. I know that nightmare scared her terribly. But my brothers had started to speak of Narnia. I had sat there stiff, unwilling to join in, isolated from them.

We used to be so close to one another. But a rift has opened, and I am not sure how to close it. It would be so easy to pretend that the rift isn't there. But I see it in Lucy's tears, in Peter's disappointed face, and in Edmund's slight frown. There is no going back. No fixing whatever has happened between us. Because fixing that rift involves that stupid game. They act as though I betrayed them, when I stopped believing in ...it.

It's only Peter who acts that way. He tries not to show it, but I think I hurt him. He won't let Edmund and Lucy know. He won't be a grown up young man and tell them that their sister has grown up and stopped believing in make-believe. He thinks it will hurt them to much. But won't it make them see? Make them grow up too?

Marilyn speaks, bringing my attention away from these thoughts and to her. "I must say Susan, when I first met you I thought you would be like your siblings."

I don't understand her words. They seem so foreign to me though I have been speaking english all my life. "What about my them?" I ask. I must sound defensive, for when Marilyn speaks again she does so slowly, as if she's carefully picking the words to use.

"I don't mean anything horrible by it really. Peter is so handsome, Edmund is as dreamy as his brother, and Lucy is a complete doll. Almost every boy in town wants her to be his girl." She pauses for a moment, and I can sense her doubt wether to continue or not. She chooses to continue. "It's just well, they disquiet a lot of people. I mean they look like they should for their age, -if not a little cuter- but you look in their eyes and it's like seeing someone who's twenty six staring out at you from a child's body. And they know things, that a teenager is supposed to just be learning. It's like their going through this age again."

Marilyn stops her rambling, a blush creeping to her cheeks. For the longest time neither of us speak. I am numb, and can't seem to form the words in which to denounce what my friend is claiming. She clears her throat and walks over to the mess of pillows and quilts on the floor.

"Well, good night Susan." I nod, unable to shout my displeasure, to accuse her of the words she spoke of being false. I do not want to acknowledge what I know is right.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

Later this night I lay awake thinking. Marilyn is right about my siblings. I see what she means every time I look into their eyes. They are wiser then they should be. While the rest of their bodies may look the age they should be, the way they act, and the looks in their eyes says it all.

I look at Peter and see what it means, to kill in battle. I look at Edmund and see the justice that England sometimes lacks. He knows what it takes to keep things balanced. I look at Lucy, and I see a bravery that a young girl shouldn't have.

I was like them once. When you looked into my eyes, you could see a gentleness that spoke volumes. But now I see nothing in my eyes that is out of the ordinary. If I could...NO! I will not give into believing in fairy tales. In this particular fairy tale especially.

Aslan had said we could never go back to Narnia. I had sworn that day that any memories would be just that. Only memories, of children's over active imaginations during a terrible war. Nothing more.

I will not cry for silly games. I will be eighteen soon. To old to care what Peter thinks when I walk out of the house, to think he has replaced my father and that I would follow him anywhere. To old to laugh with Edmund about silly pranks he used to play or what _gastro vascular _means. And I am to old to be Lucy's best friend and talk about silly balls that we never attended. I have real balls to attend now. And I am too old for my siblings to talk me into things such as Narnia again.


	4. Chapter 4: Recounts and Disappointment

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: to all my siblings who offer me comfort and keep me working. And are willing to let me talk their ears off so that u get this story. And to my reviewers. Because we write this story for them.

Finchly, England

Chapter 4: Recounts and Disappointment

Edmund's POV

Thunder crashes over my head. I give a yelp, toppling over the side of a bed. I sit up, looking around my room with sleep weary eyes. But this isn't my room. It's Peter's. It makes little difference to me. I am as comfortable in his room as in mine. Wait...Peter's room? I scramble to my feet to see Lucy and Peter sleeping soundly through the storm. Peter's home? But he isn't supposed to be home till five this afternoon. I suppose he could have meant to surprised us at breakfast, he likes to do that. But how did he get Lu and I in here? I think I would remember waking up and coming in here.

Everything comes flooding back. Lucy had a nightmare. I went running to calm her down. What with Peter at the University, -even if he does try to be home as often as possible- and Susan at her parties all the time, Lucy and I have started to look out for one another more often. Peter had been with the two of us within seconds. Lucy was surprised to see him, but as the nightmare had been so fresh in her mind, she hadn't questioned what she had. She had turned from me to him, burying her face in his shoulder.

Peter had looked at me to make sure I didn't mind. But why would I mind? Lucy is his little sister too. The most important thing is that Lucy get the comfort she needs. Why does it matter who gives it to her? But I know why my older brother looked at me first. Before Narnia five years ago, I would have minded. Not that I would have been caught dead comforting Lucy; but it was the principle of being treated different from Peter.

Lucy had finally been able to talk about her nightmare. It was the kind you couldn't remember. The kind that made you sweat for reasons you couldn't understand. I had my fair share of those too. They frightened me worse than those I could remember. How could I not be afraid of the nightmares that were blurs, always the worst images sharp and clear in your mind. I head Animals calling for me. Begging for my help. But I didn't know how to get there, or even where they were.

The worst were ones I could not remember happening. Where those flashes of memories weren't memories. And the dream pried even more on your weaknesses. I could see my sisters being tortured. Some nights by the witch, others by someone I did not know. I could hear their screams, and hear Peter's voice as he was killed; begging for mercy. But never for him. For my sisters and I. And it was always my fault.

I shake my head; dispelling those haunting thoughts. I have been trying to remember what had brought me into Peter's room. I will stay on that train of thought. Lu had told us the one image she could remember. And it did not sit well with Peter or I. A Calormen grabbing my sister by the wrist. It wouldn't have bothered me so much in her room or now if I knew it was a dream. But I don't know. That's just it.

We had started talking of Narnia when Susan had...Susan? When had she come into Lucy's room? Oh that was right. She had been there since Peter had. But since when had she decided to play the good sister? Since Peter was home? A fat lot of good that would do her. Lucy may be willing to forgive her as simply as a quietly mumbled sorry that we have never received, but I wont. Susan has ignored Lucy's nightmares since September. I have dealt with them by myself. I would never mind doing so for Lucy's sake. But Susan had no right to pretend to be concerned so suddenly.

Either way, she had been there. I seem to be getting of topic easily tonight as I lean against the window. So Susan had attacked Lu in a way this time. She had asked what her nightmare had to do with the silly game we played. Silly?! I was shocked to hear her say that. Honestly, I still don't believe that Su can say something like that. A silly game is what she calls Narnia.

But I was able to look past the shock I felt to check on my siblings. Lucy looked so close to crying that I was seriously considering slapping my older sister. I looked towards Peter quickly, knowing that he was always calmer than I was. I would be able to hold my temper back more if I didn't look at either of my sisters.

But Peter looked hurt. Susan had made my brother, the High King of Narnia hurt. I didn't want to slap her. I had wanted to murder her. Needless to say I would have done the same for Susan if someone outside of the family said something that hurt her. But I couldn't say the same if it was my siblings. If it was Peter who called it a "silly game" I know I would have been more hurt then angry. And I can't even picture it being Lu.

I have always been closer to Peter then Susan. While she was a sort of mother I could go to, he was and remains my best friend. I can tell him anything and he will never get angry to the point were we lose each others trust. The day he left I came in here. To his room. I didn't cry very much, but I laid down and stared out the window, waiting for the pain and fear to go away. Lucy had found me here some time later. We had sat there together, staring out the window.

I am getting off subject again. I think it is because there is so much to analyze from what happened earlier tonight. And it keeps leading me off to think about different things. I am shaking my head again. Trying to keep away bad thoughts and keep myself on track. I still can not remember how we have gotten into Peter's room, though I can guess the answer.

Susan had left when her friend called luckily. And Peter had taken Lucy into his arms and taken us to his room. Mom would have never approved, but she would also never realize it probably. We had been sleeping in the same room after nightmares and battles since Beruna. It was nothing new.

That was how I had ended up in Peter's room. I hadn't wanted to leave my sister and brother alone either. I laugh at my own tendencies to act like a child still. And I suppose in one way I always will act as a little boy. When it comes to my brother and sisters. Or is it sister now? I don't seem to know how to re-label Susan. When she was once more than a sister. Now I don't know what to treat her as.

_Sweet_ _Aslan what has happened? Why is Lucy having such strange dreams? Why has Susan started acting so weird and hurting us with her words? Aslan keep us strong. Keep us together. Let Su come back to us. Make Lucy safe. Don't let anything happen to my family._ I pray looking at my brother and sister on the bed. _This was is my family Aslan. As it is yours_.

I know the great lion has heard my prayer. Now I can only wait and see. But I will not go back to bed tonight. My mind seems to want to think so I shall let it.


	5. Chapter 5: Tonight will come

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: to elektrum. Review the stories she writes. They are amazing!!!!!!!!! but the dedication is because she pushed us to get this terribly difficult chapter out for you guys!

Chapter 5:

Lucy's POV

I am sitting on one of the few stone benches in the garden, soaking up the delicious sunlight even if it is very chilly. I don't quiet know what, but there is something familiar about this day. The smell of Mama's sleeping rose garden, or maybe it's the bird's song.

Looking down I open the book in my lap. Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott. Mother always encouraged my reading of books decent for my age. Susan always approved of this book too so I'm slightly hesitant to open it. What if it changes me as well? Susan has recently been saying I should become a proper lady and worry about such things as clothing and make-up.

I always knew in my heart of hearts the moment Su came back from America that something had changed. I just didn't want to believe it. But after the episode in my room last night no doubts and hopes can remain.

But even if she no longer believes in our sweet Narnia, how could she leave me after a nightmare that affected me so violently. Even as I begin to think about the flashes and images that make no coherent sense I begin to tremble.

I finish the first chapter. It's not that bad. I like Beth. She's always so quiet, but she knows when she is needed. And she has an innocence to her that for all her life she could believe in what others call fairy-tales. Meg reminds me a lot of Susan. In private wishing to still believe in those fairy-tales; but in public trying to act the grown women. So much so, that she has all but destroyed the little girl she once was. Jo and Amy do not remind too much of my brothers. Though Jo has the same fierce braveness as they do.

It is strange that I can take almost anything in this world and compare it to my siblings. Mother says it is a gift. I think I just know them better. Although last night when Su had said that horrible thing, I hadn't been able to read Edmund's expression. Peter had seemed hurt, like he had lost his final shred of hope for our sister.

But Ed had been harder. At first, his expression had been shocked. Then he looked like he would have loved nothing better than to strike our older sister. He had looked at Peter, and that was when I stopped deciphering it. It wasn't that I gave up, it was that I couldn't. He seemed to have pulled the shutters down over his emotions.

Even as I sit here in the sun, I still can not read that expression. I suppose I will just stop trying eventually. But not now.

I wonder where my brothers are anyway. Probably together. When Peter comes home you rarely see one without the other. Su and I used to be that close too. Now however she seems pained by my very existence. So I will not try and act as we used to in Narnia and in those few years after we came back.

I turn to the second chapter, wondering what awaits me at the end of this book. No doubt a interesting ending; surprises have always been my forte. It is a bit chilly though. My hands are going numb as I sit here. Mama is making hot chocolate. I can smell the rich aroma from here. I am going to go have some. With any luck my siblings will join me.

"Lucy! Your so flushed. Come inside dear. What on earth made you go outside in this cold weather?! Honestly." She is sighing. I can't help but giggle. She makes a face. "What were you screaming about last night dear? Was the nightmare that bad?" Her face becomes gentle as she speaks. I have stiffened however. She wouldn't understand.

"Nothing mother. Do not worry." I know she is probably plaguing herself with guilt for not coming to my side, but I am actually rather glad. My brothers were there. That was enough. Even if it had only been Edmund it would have been fine. They keep me safe.

She nods. I wonder where they are any how. Susan is shopping with Marilyn that much I know. But the boys... Oh well. They're probably playing cricket with the neighborhood boys or something. I am not worried.

But it is Edmund's turn for a nightmare tonight. And if Peter was upset when I woke screaming from something I can't remember...how will he react to Ed's demons?


	6. Chapter 6: Towel fights

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: TO...my reviewers (REVIEW GOD DAMN IT) and my twin (who is going through so rough stuff) I luv u. and my younger sister (who writes this with me) and elektrum who beta read 1 part

Chapter 6: Towel fights

Peter's POV

I push Edmund inside with a laugh. He gives me a non effective scowl. He may have more control over me then our sisters, but I'm not going to let him know that. And if anything that means that I fight harder with him when it's in his best interest. He says I'm stubborn. Well if I am then so is he.

The smell of Hot Chocolate, vanilla, and lavender hit us. Mother must be making the rich drink. She makes it for Lucy all the time. My brother and I strip off our winter coats and boots. I flash him a smile, jerking my head towards the kitchen. He nods.

We enter the kitchen to see Lucy helping our mother bake a small cake, her hot chocolate getting cool. Edmund rolls his eyes. I smirk, and sneak up behind our youngest sister. She shrieks as I grab her around the waist twirling her towards her mug. I sit her down.

"Drink." Edmund commands before I can. Lucy obediently takes a sip. She smiles at us cheekily.

"Yes master." Edmund scowls. I try and fail to stifle my laugh. Soon both my brother and sister are laughing with me. Mother smiles before shaking her head. She's given up trying to understand us. And to think it only took her four years.

It feels good to laugh at something stupid and pointless. It's something we don't get to do much anymore. Being at the University doesn't leave room for me to laugh with my siblings very much. Even if I try to come home as much as possible.

It was so much easier in Narnia. We were monarchs true, but we always had time to be siblings as well. Every now and then I remember times when we were just children. Picking Lucy up and tossing her effortlessly into the sea. Catching Edmund's eye before the two of us converged on Susan, who was always ticklish.

I even miss the more serious points of our time there. The battles that were fought and won. And I especially miss being home for my siblings when they are sick, hurt, or left shaking from a nightmare.

I wonder how our subjects and friends are doing. That is one worry that will never die I suppose. Just like worrying about my siblings has become second nature.

Something wet hits me in the face. I sputter, turning to see Edmund grinning devilishly. The towel falls at my feet. I smile back. He does not know what he's in for. My younger brother has just realized this. He backs up slowly, wondering what in the world I am planing.

I grab another wet towel, flinging it in his face. It misses and Edmund smirks. I glare, faintly hearing Lucy laughing hysterically. I'll get her next.

"Your aim is getting rusty Peter." He jokes. Does he have a death wish? He must have one.

I grab the towel he threw at me off the floor and fling it at him. It hits it's mark with a satisfying sound. Edmund and I are both smiling now. He picks up the first one I threw and the battle is on.

When we finally run out of energy both my brother and I have been hit in the face by many towels. Lucy is laughing so hard that she has almost fallen out of her chair. Mother shakes her head sadly. She doesn't understand the memory it brings back from Narnia of Ed and I dueling with pillows, or towels until the cooks and servants took our toys away and made us go find something else to do.

Susan had been with us then however. This is the only thing that has changed the scene. With a sigh I catch Edmund's gaze. He nods, and we make our way upstairs with Lu in tow. I think they want to talk about Narnia nearly as bad as I do.


	7. Chapter 7:Powerful enemies

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: TO...my reviewers (REVIEW GOD DAMN IT) my younger sister (who wrote this)

Chapter 7: Powerful Enemies

Susan's POV

I sit at my mirror brushing my long silky hair. I've made Mother happy again. She's always going on and on about how her little girl is growing up and finally stepping into the world of Society. Even now I can hear her humming happily.

I know my siblings will be disappointed when they hear the news. They will have wanted me to stay home tonight. I can hear them talking about "it" down the hallway in Edmund's room. How can they expect me to stay home when they insist on infuriating me?

I turn back to my mirror and to my make-up. I will not let myself be angered by childish antics. I am a girl who has blossomed into a women of Society; not one who would run down the hall to join them.

My dress for this evening lays on my bed. I bought it today while shopping with Marilyn. She said the color was most flattering against my skin tone. The hunter green is lined with silver threads along the edges. But of course, Marilyn wasn't the only one who said I looked exquisite in the dress.

Christopher Johnson had walked into the dress shop with his younger sister Christy Johnson and his girlfriend Brittany Hanna-baker. It's no secret that I have a crush on Christopher. Marilyn and I are already friends with his younger sister, and she told us that lately he and Brittany have not been getting along.

I had just stepped from the changing room to show Marilyn how the latest in a long string of dresses had looked on me. She had gasped before tugging on my arm. At first I had not noticed he was there, I was so focused on making sure the dress lay right on my frame. Christy had hugged me first, and then I turned and noticed her brother.

So when Christopher seconded Christy's invite for Marilyn and I to come to her party tonight how could we say no? The Johnson family is among the richest in Finchly and their social events are talked about for weeks after. You aren't anybody if you weren't there.

And Chris liked the dress on me. I had to buy it and wear it to the event this evening he said. Well who am I to ignore good advice?

I slip into said dress now, my hair already done up elegantly. It does look lovely on me, fitting my curves before draping away. I put my nylons on before stepping into the high heels that Mother gave me. Lastly, I put on my mascara, eye shadow, and bright red lipstick.

I step into the hall and come face to face with Lucy. From the heartbroken look adorned upon her face I can tell that Mother has informed them that I will not be joining them this evening.

"Um, Good Evening Lu."

My younger sister stares at me with tear filled eyes before throwing her arms around my waist and burying her face in my front. I can't help but feel slight irritation. I hope she doesn't ruin my dress.

"Please don't go Su'. Please stay here with us tonight." I disentangle her from me with a little more force than necessary.

"Lucy. I can't stay here tonight. I have a life to lead, and I am far to busy to sit at home while you and our brothers live in a fantasy world. I've grown up. Maybe it's time you did too."

I watch as she turns and flees into the arms of my brothers. Edmund holds her close, while Peter has his arm around our brother. I meet his gaze and have to turn quickly. He's still as stubborn as he was in September before going away to the University.

I had hoped that the University would knock some sense into him. But my hopes were wrong. The affection he feels for our younger siblings and for Narnia is far greater than I had thought.

I think I have just made a powerful enemy. Peter hates to see his siblings cry; especially Lu. And although it's almost unheard of to see Edmund cry, Peter hates that even more. As I walk down the stairs to meet Marilyn for the event, I can't help but wonder; how many more times will I make them cry before it's all over?


	8. Chapter 8:Horrors

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: TO...my reviewers (please review. It really encourages us) See Eleckturm honey not vinegar. :) and also seriously to Emmy and all my friends on the 8: Horrors

Edmund's POV.

Midnight:

_Cold. So cold. Freezing. Violently shivering. Gagging on stale bread. No water. Ankle throbbing painfully. _

She _is there. She's mad. Asking where my siblings are. I am King Edmund the Just; not some scared little boy this time though. I won't tell. A wicked smile. _

"_It matters not. They are here." I'm alone again. But somehow being alone does not make it better. Only worse. _

_Screaming. Terrible awful screaming. "NO!" The chain holds. Hands searching the wall. Searching for what?_

_A hole! I can see. Bile rising in throat. I am going to be sick. I am sick. _

_The White Witch has Susan. I am hoarse. "Su!" It is ignored. No one can hear me. I can only watch. Su's screams fill the air. I wince; looking away. I can't watch. Not this._

_A gasp. Lucy! The Witch smiles coldly at my younger sister. She will enjoy torturing my gay and golden sister. "Lucy!" _

_My throat is raw. The scream no more than a whisper. Another useless tug at the chain holding me. Not her. Please please not my little sister. She keeps all of us happy. She can light or warm a room just by walking into it. Not Lu!_

_I tug at the relentless chain again. Screams fill the air. I can't turn back. I won't. The chain is frozen, and unforgivingly strong. The screams stop. _

"_Don't hurt them!" That voice. Peter! Everything must be safe now. After all, it's Peter who is commanding _her.

_I turn back to look through the hole. That's his sword. What is she doing with it? My brother is bruised, bloody, and looks like he is in severe pain. And he is begging._

"_Don't hurt the girls." Gut clenching. _

_Cold voice answers. "I'll do what I please Son of Adam." Peter's not giving up. _

"_No. Don't hurt them. Or you'll pay to Aslan." She laughs. More bile. More throwing up. _

"_I answer to no one." Raising the sword. Crying in the background. Is that the girls or me? _

'_Don't . Hurt. Them." He repeats with failing breath. "And if you lay one finger on my brother..." _

"_Your brother did this to you. He's my property. Once a traitor always a traitor High King." _

_Sword swishing through the air. She lies. Peter I didn't! I wouldn't. I swear! _

"_PETER!!!!!!" _

OoOoOoOo

_The battle is over. Dead lay strewn everywhere. No one left dying. Our army was as merciless as the other army. I can smell the blood. Coppery, and disgusting. The ground is soaked with it. Bile rises in my throat, along with the butter and roll I had for breakfast. _

_I hate throwing up. I stand up straight, wiping my mouth. Someone is talking to me. They are telling me how many troops we have lost. The number bothers me. Although only a few of our troops are missing I can not shake this feeling._

"_Where is my brother?" I know something is wrong now. Whoever has been talking to me answers that my brother has just been proclaimed missing. I start running. The Generals and other soldiers call out after me. But I do not stop. _

_At the edge of the battle field I see my brother. We usually fight together covering each other's weaknesses. How did he get over there? I keep running, but never seem to get any closer. _

_He is bruised, and bloody when I reach him. He does not seem to be too hurt. He smiles weakly. I try to hold on to my anger. It's rather hard._

"_Peter what are you doing out here? Are you alrig..." Something shakes the ground. The thudding draws closer, almost like footsteps. I pull Peter up beside me. _

"_I thought we were hear to battle a clan of Mineitors Peter. Not an angry hoard of giants." Sure enough, Giants are stepping towards us from above the tree tops. My brother gives me a small smile. _

"_We can take them Ed. Don't worry." I roll my eyes. We both pull our swords, settling into the stances we know so well. _

"_Ready?" I nod. Peter gives a reassuring smile as the Giants lunge towards us. I watch in slow motion as a club comes sailing towards my brother. _

"_Peter watch out!" The stench of blood is the last thing I smell._


	9. Chapter 9:Dragonfly

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: TO...my reviewers (please review. It really encourages us) and Emmy, Petra (list goes on) and Elecktrum

chapter 9: Dragonfly

Lucy's POV

Midnight

Midnight has come again and I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling of my room thinking. Susan made me cry again tonight, insisting that she was far too old to believe in games. She said to grow up.

But somehow, we are the more grown up ones. Edmund and Peter, my dear brothers are always there. They never shout or criticize, they never act cold or distant. They stay strong for others, locking their own emotions away in order to keep themselves calm.

Susan is the complete opposite though. She acts confident and happy, wears expensive clothes and attends extravagant parties to distract herself from the pain I know she must feel. I can see it some times. When my brothers and I are laughing over our memories of Narnia. It's in her eyes; a flash of wishfulness that for one moment transforms her into our beloved Queen Susan the Gentle.

But those moments never last long. The longing quickly disappears under the usual disapproving scowl. I could have sworn I saw that look of longing tonight when Susan had spoken to me. I pleaded with her to stay, only to have my hopes dashed once again.

As always my brothers had been there. Edmund had held me, rocking me back and forth, making comforting noises that made no sense and telling me everything would be ok. Peter had only stood there silently his arms wrapped around both of us protectively as if to shield us from the pains the world brought to us. But who protects him?

My stomach growls with hunger. I sigh and swing my legs over the side of the bed. My feet find their way into soft slippers. I wish I had ate more at dinner; but what Susan had said ruined my appetite.

Sneaking quietly from my room I pad down the corridor to the stairs. I pull my night robe closer to me as I begin the tip-toe down the stairs, not wanting to wake my family. Ed rarely gets a good nights sleep. Either because of me or because of us both. Mother would not approve of sneaking food this late, which means Susan wouldn't either. Peter is tired. I can tell. So I do not wish to wake him either. The stairs don't creak for once. Soon I am in the kitchen. Thank Aslan there is something left in the ice box.

As I make myself a snack I can't help but let my mind wander. Wander back to all those lovely times at Cair Paravel in Narnia. Dancing with the Dryads and fauns, playing chess with the Talking Animals, and speaking with the mer-people. I especially remember running into Peter's and Edmund's arms after a hard fought and won battle.

Tears cloud my vision. I blink hard a few times to keep them from falling. Narnia was my true home. Land of sun and laughter. How did we get here to dreary old England? Would we grow to be like Susan? Growing up until the memories of Narnia made away into games of bored war time children?

I take a deep breath just as Peter taught me to, trying to over come my feeling of dread that threatens to over come my rationality. Edmund always said that to us, Narnia was like a dragonfly caught in amber. Until now I have never really understood what he means. Those words seemed to hard to wrap my brain around. But now I think I do understand what Edmund means when he says that.

When a dragonfly is covered in amber it is preserved so that even thousands of years later it still is as perfect and beautiful as when first seen. And so Narnia is for Peter, Edmund, and myself. Everything that we hold dear about Narnia has been carefully protected in our minds, in our memories, and in our hearts.

Susan never seemed to realize how to perfect this technique. Her dragonfly was destroyed when other people found it. And she let them. She let them destroy it and mold her into another person. But I'm sure among the broken shards of her amber the dragonfly is there, trying desperately to mind its amber shell. It will never die completely if I keep reminding Susan about what she is missing. Someday she'll find that dragonfly and give it another amber case. She will. I need to believe that no matter how much it hurts me.

I wash and dry my plate and other utensils as I finish my food. They go back into the cupboard, my mother never the wiser. I am just about to rinse what is left of my glass of juice when I here it. A piercing, terrifying sound. It shatters the night and the peace that has settled over the house. A scream.

Edmund has woken up.


	10. Chapter 10:My heart is like a River

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: my reviewers and Emmy! She helped me kick my butt into gear with this chapter which was really hard to write. And of course Elecktrum. Oh and if anyone would like to hear the song that Lucy sings please visit this link: 10: My Heart is Like a River

Peter's POV

A scream rips through the night. A scream so terrible it sends shivers up my spine. It is the scream I dread hearing. The scream that haunts my nightmares and plagues the thoughts of my waking hours.

"Edmund!"

The covers are tangled in my limbs. I rip them off the bed as I struggle to get out the door. I trip, my chin hitting the floor. A painful yelp escapes my throat. I turn to look at the offending quilts and sheet. With a snarl that could rival any cheetah, I tear the blankets off my body; throwing them back into the room, not caring where they land. I scramble to my feet, sprinting out the door and skidding to a halt in front of my brother's room.

I see Lucy hurrying up the stairs from the corner of my eye. I don't know what she was doing down stairs but I can take a good guess. Whenever my sister can't sleep she gets herself a snack. Edmund's screams must of frightened her a lot.

I try to open his door, growling when it won't open. Edmund's door has never liked to open, and at times it refuses to open all together. Tonight is **not** the time for it to play it's little trick. Not when my brother is alone after a nightmare.

I throw my shoulder against the wood, repeating this method several times before the door slams into the opposite wall of Edmund's room. I tumble down to meet the floor again, wincing in pain. Lucy pauses, unsure how to get around me. I push myself back, rocking onto the balls of my feet.

I stand up straight, hurrying to my younger brother's side. He's whiter than the ghosts that he used to tease Lu about before we went into Narnia. And shaking worse than I've seen in a long time. His entire frame is trembeling. Lu sees it as well. I hear her gasp from the doorway.

I hurry to Edmund's side, climbing onto the bed and pulling him into my arms. He's shaking so bad that I too begin to shake. I can feel his hot tears rush onto my shirt, soaking it within minutes. My poor brother.

Lucy climbs up on his other side, rubbing his back in small circles, trying to help calm him down. If this is what he's like five or so minutes after the nightmare I hate to think of him right after he wakes up. Inwardly, I curse my sheets, and his door for blocking my path and making me slow down considerably, eating up the time I should have spent here.

"Don't worry Ed. I'm here. Nothing is going to hurt you anymore." My voice, instead of soothing like I had hoped it would seemed to only remind Edmund of what he was trying to forget. It was like he had just realized it was _me_ in the flesh and actually here. I fear to ask what his dream constituted of that makes him so upset.

Lucy tries to calm our brother down as he clenches his hands more tightly in my shirt. "Edmund? What's wrong? Won't you tell us what you saw?" Ed shakes his head viciously. "Please Edmund? What hurt so much? Don't you see that we want to help? We can help Ed we can. Please let us." He shakes his head again, slower this time but still just as firm. Lucy is almost in tears. "Why won't you let us help Edmund?" She whispers brokenly.

"Ed." I whisper just as quietly as Lucy. I hold my emotions more in check, but I too feel like I am about to break. I want to help so badly. I hate to see my brother in so much pain. And this is one of the few times that I remember, where I don't know how to fix what wrong. It's not a feeling I particularly like.

"I'm not sure I _can_ tell you. But...I can try." Edmund's voice is so hoarse from screaming that I jump upon hearing it. I hug him tighter to me. Just as he goes to being his tail however my mother pokes her head in.

"I heard screaming. Everything alright in here?"

I feel a slight flare of irritation. Now she's here? Now she decides to check and see if we're all alright? Where was she with Lucy last night? Or the countless nights before that over the summer?

I push the irrational feeling down. Mother has been doing the best she can. And these reasons are exactly why it's a good thing she doesn't come and check. She would come in at bad times and we wouldn't be able to talk about half the nightmares that any of us have. And she means well. She is after all our mother.

Lucy springs up and goes to lead our mother away giving me a look that clearly says, _I'm being the distraction. So tell me later or else! _I nod my head in reply as she disappears from site.

"Alright Ed. You can start."

OoOoOoOoOoO

When my brother is finished, I hold him closer, wanting to make his nightmares go away.

"I don't remember that last part Peter. But it seemed so real..." He trails off, griping tighter to my shirt.

"Me neither Ed. Me neither." Something digs at my brain. Making me wonder. _What could we be remembering?_ We stay like that for a long time, when Lu finally slips back in. She takes one look at Edmund and guesses correctly.

"Afraid to go to sleep?" He gives a glare, not having the energy to protest. Especially when she's right.

Lucy climbs on the bed, making sure we both are situated comfortably in bed before laying on Edmund's other side. She takes a deep breath and begins to sing.

_My heart is like a river  
My heart is like these hills  
They never change  
I never change  
and I never will_

__

You called and I came running  
You cried and now I'm here  
So hold this faith  
accept our faith  
These are little fears

We have enough to guide us  
We have enough to last  
We're not alone  
we never were  
you and I aren't lost

Oh hold me very tightlyHold me fast and strong  
I am your love  
Won't stray from you  
You and I belong

My heart is like a river  
My heart is like these hills  
They never change  
I never change  
and I never will 

I remember this song. Whenever I was leaving for battle I would sing it to my siblingsIt calmed their nerves somewhat, and made them believe that I would return. Lucy was always the best at singing, her light soprano easily matching the notes that any song calls for. Soon the song lulls me and Edmund to sleep. _  
_


	11. Chapter 11: Life is Perfect

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: my reviewers, Petra for giving us the idea and everyone who helps along the way!

And now...what you all have been waiting for. An update...and a look into Susan's world

Chapter 11: Life is perfect

Susan's POV

Marilyn and I collapse into our chairs, giggles overtaking us. Tonight has been perfect. Everyone who is important is here. The string quartet is simply spellbinding, the horsdurves are delicious, and the decorations are so beautiful that it almost hurts to look at them. Everything is perfect.

I have been fluttering around the dance floor all night, talking, dancing, and laughing with guests and our hosts. I am almost the center of attention. All the boys are fawning over me, and I of course know the latest gossip to keep all the girls entertained. Everything has gone so well that I can even look with charity on the events earlier this evening.

I suppose I could have been a bit gentler with Lucy. I really should have been. She is very young after all and follows the examples that our brothers lay out for her. Edmund is hardly older than Lucy herself after all, and in his search for guidance during his preteen and pre-mature years he has reached out to Peter. So naturally Lucy will follow. And Peter himself is only trying to resist growing older by clinging to his childhood fantasies. At least, that's what I hope. But I doubt that I could be wrong. After all logically that is the only way to explain any of their behavior.

I turn my attention back to Marilyn; only to find Marilyn is no longer there. In her place, sits none other than the host of this glorious evening: Chris. My heart beats faster as my eyes take in his adorable face. He stares back at me, trying to be inconspicuous as he takes in my dress, curls, and flushed cheeks.

"Well Susan, how have you been enjoying this evening?"

He smiles at me, making me feel light headed for a long moment.

"Oh, yes. Yes I am enjoying this evening quite a lot. Thank you."

I stop rambling and blush a bright pink. Chris must have found it funny however. He stood, straightened his suit jacket, and offered me his hand with a mock bow.

"Pray, fair Lady Susan. Will you do your humble servant the honor of a dance?"

With a small giggle I take his preferred hand and allow him to whisk me away onto the dance floor. The string quartet starts what sounds vaguely like a waltz and off we are, spinning gracefully around the room.

I rest my head on his chest, letting him take the lead. This scene seems some what familiar. For a moment I can hear the sound of ocean waves, and sweet soft music. I feel, not the itchy slightly uncomfortable dress I came in, but a soft and flowing gown that compliments me in a way that no dress can ever do again. I am dancing with many different men, and different species, each with their own quirks and intresting ways. I dance with other men from different countries, each sent to win my hand, or my siblings praise in some way. I can see Edmund dancing with Lucy. They look older, and happier than in England. Peter and I are dancing as well, floating on air. He was taught well. We all were. We were all so happy.

On our third circuit around the room, I feel someone's eyes on me. I lift my head, no longer seeing a open ball room near the sea, but the grand room that Chris and Christy are hosting the party of the year in. I find Brittany standing on the far side of the room; her eyes wide and mouth wide open.

Feeling strangely smug, I shoot her a winning smile and hold Chris a little closer. All throughout our dance he keeps up a string of compliments whirling around me. I feel dizzy, light headed, and positively giddy. By the time the music ends, and the last note dies away, I can not remember what I have been worrying about all night long.

"Susan?"

I look up at Chris, feeling as though I am about to faint with pleasure.

"Yes Chris?"

He chuckles quietly, making me blush. He continues to chuckle as he leads me away from the dance floor, and to a darker quieter area. I can not bring myself to care about customs right now.

He tilts my chin up gently, and I catch my breath. I let out a small sigh as he kisses me, deepening it. Life is perfect.


	12. Chapter 12: Fear and Family

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: to...ok this is long!

Emmy.

My twin

Cherokee

Petra

Everyone at reviewers

and

My Edmund.

Sorry it took so long guys! Hope your still waiting for it...and cant wait to see what you say!

Chapter 12: Fear and Family

Edmund's POV

I look out the window in my room, my eyes blind to the picturesque scenery. Snow falls softly into drifts, piling up against the window pains; it looks exactly like the kind of Christmas card we would have made or bought. The way you imagine Grandma's house to look during a snow storm. I however only see the replaying images of my nightmares from last night. They continue past my mind's eye like a slide show. On and on and on they continue. A mantra of horror.

I'm not trying to focus on them. I'd rather be thinking of anything else. But the more I try to not think about them the more they come, unbidden to my mind's eye. Still, I know Peter would be upset to find I'm not even trying to block the images this time around. I want to know what that last part of the nightmare was. Peter thought it was familiar too, but he didn't know where we had lived that from before. It's nerve racking.

Of course neither part of my nightmare is pleasant to relive. In both scenes something has happened. Both times something bad has happened to Peter. My brother. My best friend. I hate the idea of something happening to Su, even if she has become someone I no longer recognize as a sister that my siblings and I grew up with. The idea of something happening to Lucy seems impossible. I am reminded of her own nightmare as well as my own. Something dosen't add up. There must be something I am not understanding. Something that has happened to all of us that we can not remember. Or maybe don't _want_ to remember.

How would we block the memories then? Assuming what Lu and I had nightmares about was real, -and I shudder to think either of them is real- How could we actually do that? It was impossible. Wasn't it? Besides even if we could block a memory from our minds; why would we want to forget something as wonderful as Narnia? Wouldn't that make us just as bad as Susan?

And it wasn't as if we hadn't experienced hard things in Narnia that we can remember at will. What would have made this one so different? None of this makes any sense. I can not wrap my brain around this problem.

The door opens, and in stumbles Peter. As per usual he hits the floor, using some choice words. Even with in my mood I can't help but laugh. Lucy pokes her head in seeming smug.

"I told you he wouldn't yell if it was you who came in first. You're Peter."

I raise my eyebrow. What does him being Peter have to do with anything? Sure he's my best friend and I love him more than any of my siblings I think, but I know how to hide it. So how does Lucy know? I think that this time, I'm not going to try and figure out my little sister. I know her pretty well, but trying to figure out something like this is going to make my head hurt more than the effort is worth.

Although, she has been knocking on the door to my room for over two hours now. Perhaps that's why she used Peter. He wasn't home this morning when Luc and I woke up. After breakfast I came back to my room. And after an hour...Lucy decided to bother me. Worried I suppose. She was right though. How could I say no to Peter?

"Ed?"

He sits by me on the window sill. I sigh. I know exactly where this is going. He can read me like a book. Lucy sits on the bed folding her legs underneath her. They want to talk.

"Edmund why didn't you open the door?"

I give a non-committal grunt. I can not hope to lie to either of my siblings very well so I choose to not answer. Peter knows how I plan to avoid the questions. He isn't going to have it.

"Edmund. That is not going to work."

I wonder if it's still to late to go help mother with something in the kitchen. One look at Lucy's face says yes. I can't hold out much longer. Already I want to tell them everything I'm thinking.

Peter pulls me into a hug. I don't need to say anything. He already understands everything. He's probably not happy with my train of thought but he understands. And that's all I ask for. I pull back to look at him.

"What were you doing out so early this morning anyway Peter?"

Lu glares as I change the subject quickly. But what did she expect really? I love her to death but I have a hard time talking about these kinds of things. That is why Peter understanding makes it so much easier. I don't need to say a word.

Peter himself shifts. Lucy and I both catch it, whatever he was doing he didn't like doing. I wonder vaguely what has become of Susan. She sleeps later then she used to lately, but never this late. I dispel the thought, turning my worry onto Peter; whom is caught in Lu's pout. I smirk, feeling only a trifle bad for Peter. Lucy's pout is hard to resist.

"Mum asked me to go looking for Susan if you want to know. She didn't come home last night after her social outing. They were worried. I went looking for her. Turns out she stayed at her friend Marilyn for the night. She decided to stay there and didn't call Mum. It gave the family a right start to have me knocking on the door. Don't think they know who I am actually. Susan was not very happy that I woke her friend and her up. When she started trying to tell me off, I almost lost my temper. I told her she put Mum in a awful state of mind, and got me all worried as well. That she should have been more responsible, which she didn't like at all. I told her that we expected her home before afternoon, preferably before lunch. Then I turned on my heel and walked out."

I stared at my brother in horror. Susan had done what? Lu gave a little gasp, and scrambled to her feet. I raised my eye brows. Surely she was not going to Susan now?

"I'm going to go and comfort Mum. How could Susan do something like that?"

She gave both of us another hug before hurrying away. I shook my head. Susan could be the most irresponsible little brat when she did things like this. It wasn't the first time she had gone off without telling someone. Never to this degree though. Before had been little.

Peter turned to me. I tensed unsure what was coming from my older brother. Did he want to discuss my nightmares more at this time? I hoped he did not. I was already torturing myself by playing them again and again. To talk was not what I had in mind.

"I have never been so angry at any of you as I was at Susan is such a long time. She should know better. Even if she does not remember, or refuses to acknowledge being a Queen as a young women she should have known. It frightened me a little to be honest. I knew before that she had changed since forgetting Narnia but this..."

He broke off. I pulled him into a hug, I knew this feeling all too well. And I hated it with a burning passion. Now was my turn to comfort and silently understand. Just as he had done only a few minutes earlier.

As we continued to sit on the window sill, snow mounting outside, I realize something. I can feel it in the air. I'm sure Peter, Lucy, maybe even Susan feel it too. Something is coming. Something is going to change. I don't know what exactly but I do not like it. I clutch my older brother tighter.

Will we break before this is all over?


	13. Chapter 13: The Jewel in The Crown

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: to...ok this is long!

Emmy.

My twin

Cherokee

Petra

E!

Everyone who reviews

and

My Edmund.

Sorry its a little akward. We wrote this all tonight around 10pm. hope you like it.

Lucy's POV.

I'm supposed to be comforting Mum.

That's what the boys think I'm doing anyway. It's what I should be doing right now actually. But I'm not. I can't. She's in one of those moods where she pushes the hurtful things away pretending they don't exist. No one but father can reach her when she gets like this. Susan and I've tried many times.

I withdrew to my room. There's no use in being with mother when she's in that kind of mood. I would be welcomed back with my brothers; I know that. But I think they need some time to just the two of them. There are things that they went through in Narnia together that neither I nor Susan could hope to understand. I may be closer to my brothers then normal for any set of siblings, but even I can realize the two of them have something special together. Something that Susan and I shared once. Long ago in a world where Animals talk, where the four of us ruled with justice and compassion. Where our brother's were Kings and we were Queens. Where life seemed kinder, and Susan was my best friend.

I miss her. That old Susan; who would be here fixing the problem, not creating it. I miss her so much that it has become a constant ache. Sometimes the pain is searing. Sometimes it's no more then a throbbing that refuses to disappear. A constant reminder that things are and never will again be like they were in Narnia.

Like this entire mess. It shows Susan in a new light. But I can't believe that Susan would do that. How could she?! Doesn't she know what things like this do to Mum? To Dad? To Edmund and Peter? To me?

Does she even care anymore?

I suppose some would say that Susan wasn't trying to malicious. That informing someone slipped her mind because of a fun party. But even if it does sound silly, I can't help but feel like she betrayed me. Betrayed all of us. She didn't even give us a second thought. Didn't think we'd be worried...

Peter and Edmund are mad at her. I know that. But even though I acted mad, I'm not. I'm more hurt then anything. If this is what it feels like, when someone you loves leaves you, I'm never letting my brothers go. Ever.

I miss Susan. Miss her braiding my hair in the Cair and talking about matches that she doesn't want. I want the Susan who could make everyone comfortable around her. No matter how small or insignifagent they seemed. She made them important in the eyes of their Queen.

When Narnia gave us the names of Sword and Sheild and in my sister and my case, Jewel and Song, it seemed to fit each of us perfectly. She was the Jewel of Narnia. She had this brilliance about her that made everything come to life. But the light that surrounded her, made her even more beautiful has gone out. She only cares about outer beauty now. She is not the Jewel anymore.

I do not see the beloved sister I once knew. Instead, her delicate nature has been replace by cheap, gaudy baubles. And I don't know how to get her back.


	14. Chapter 14: The Darkness

**Title**: Dragonfly in Amber

**Author**: FaithfulPureLight (and her sister)

**Disclaimer**: I wish. I really do! But alas I do not and I am only borrowing them. (Looks over to her lawyer. "Was that good?" lawyer nods. "Yay! Ok on with the introductions and then the story!" sister cheers in the background. I pull out Edmund and Peter and my sister pulls out Lucy and that witch Susan. "We own u as soon as the documents are done remember that") again just kidding!

**Rating**: For reasons explained later I am rating this a M for mature

**Summary**: Lucy starts having nightmares that she can't remember. Soon Edmund and Peter are too. What could be so terrible that our heros would willingly forget a memory of Narnia?

**Dedication**: My older sister, my cousin (who named this chapter), my twin, my Edmund, Emmy, Cheeky, and my BETA's E and Dear Heart

Chapter 14: The Darkness

I knew that it was going to be my turn soon enough. After Lucy and Ed had both been visited by demons of the past who else would they have turned to to haunt? Susan doesn't remember. I should say refuses to. But I can't dwell on that. It's too painful. Besides, I think Lucy has a plan. She seems to know something that neither Edmund nor I know. I trust that she'll tell us both in her own time, though.

The four of us had been having such a good past few days. I should have seen it. I wish I had.

Mother and Father trusted Susan and me enough to go on vacation for a week or so, and that meant that Su couldn't go to any parties. Strangely enough she was happy to be home with us. It feels like it did before she went off to America. Natural. Close. Family.

The four of us hadn't been alone together all that long, a few days at most perhaps but it felt like it did when we lived in Cair Paravel, with all of us running the house without parents looking over our shoulders. I caught Su teasing Ed and Lu again the way she used too...and that look in her eyes. She was more Queen Susan the Gentle then I've seen it in a long time. She had come back, if only for the moment.

I let my guard down as I should not. I allowed the nightmarish thing that hunts us by night a way past my barriers. It seeped in slowly, trying not to draw the attention that it warranted. Perhaps if I hadn't been so relaxed...but no. Something tells me that this would have happened even if I had been paying attention. After all, how could I stop this?

Now I sit here in the early morning, still dark enough to be only an hour or two past midnight, my mind wanders down paths it shouldn't . Down paths that I don't want it to go.

_Everywhere around me is completely and utterly dark. I can't see a space in front of __me,__ I wouldn't even be able to see my hand in front of my face if I tried. __Only the bone-chilling, penetrating darkness.__ It's enough to send shivers down my spine. _

_A scream shatters the silence, but not the dark. It comes from all around me, impossible to pinpoint. In the corner, a sliver of a shadow catches my eye, and I spin around. Nothing is there. __Nothing at all._

_A flash of icy blue, a gasp, and I __am__ left in the dark once again. Another screams rips through the air, one I would know anywhere. Susan appears, obviously hurt, clutching her shoulder, only to disappear again. Lucy, too, shimmers into being, something that looks awfully like blood leaking down her blue silk dress. Leaking is an understatement. One side of the dress is completely covered in the red. My heart convulses. Then she too, fades away. _

_I already know Edmund won't show up. The blue light was only too familiar. I'm not sure if I prefer the infinite darkness or the blue light that cast it out. _

Even now, though it's been an hour or so since I have woke panting, with a nameless fear gripping at my heart, I still want to scream. It's a good thing that Edmund was sleeping soundly enough that he was in his own room tonight. He would have never slept through that. And I would have had to tell him everything. He doesn't need any more fodder for his nightmares.

"Peter?"

Susan stands, silhouetted in the doorway. She steps uncertainly into the room, coming to sit beside me on the bed. I struggle to pull myself together. None of my siblings need to see me like this.

"I'm fine Susan." She levels a glare at me that said she clearly does not believe that.

"Really Su, Go back to bed."

Susan is not going to listen it seems. She settles herself on the bed with me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I don't have the strength to fight her, even if it is awkward for her to be comforting me. Usually I'm the one who comforts them.

"It's all right Peter. I promise we'll get through this together."

Her reassurances carry down the hall, pulling in Edmund and Lucy. Neither say a word, simply drawing solace in the peace that now fills my room. Susan and I move over, allowing our younger siblings to pile into the bed. The four of us fall asleep in the same room for the first time since Susan came back from America, and something feels like it finally has been fixed.


	15. Chapter 15: Where the Lilies Grow

**Dedication**: Obviously Rose, who wrote this chapter, and anyone who has not truly found Aslan. Keep looking, he's there.

**Chapter 15: Where the Lilies Grow**

The sun feels so wonderful on my face, as I sit here on our blanket. The four of us went out for a picnic early this morning, and we spent the time basking in each other's company. Lucy and I hiked behind Peter and Edmund, following them to a clearing they had found a few days ago. They described it as perfect for the four of us. It made me pleased that Mum and Dad weren't home yet. News that the train was delayed had come this morning, and I don't think any of us could work up the proper disappointment or despair. Just the four of us for a day or so more, sounded absolutely heavenly.

It's been almost a week since Peter's nightmare brought me hurrying into his room and even now that the sun has come from behind its veil of clouds, even with all the beauty of nature thriving around me I cannot forget the tortured and terrified expression that graced my older brother's face. The image will not fade away as those kinds of images should. No. Instead it stays, tantalizing me. I want to forget that vision with all my heart, because it stands as a reminder that I have seen that expression before.

Since that night, I haven't felt like myself. My days have become a dream. Memories come flitting across the surface of my mind, vague and unfocused before disappearing again. They remind me of a most wonderful dream, the kind of dream from which you never want to waken. Or a dream of a dream that I want so badly to grasp, to remember, but every time I reach for the wisps of smoke, these memories, they are whisked out of my reach, and I am left frustrated.

Edmund and Peter are sword fighting with sticks they found lying on the ground under a tress some yards away. Their wild, elated voices ring through the air as they try to cajole the other into making a mistake, although it is impossible for either of my brothers to slip. Lucy is sitting close by, cheering on whichever of them is winning while doing something with the wild flowers she spent the entire morning gathering.

I can't help but smile as I watch the three of them. This past week with my siblings, spending time with them instead of fighting against them and the emotions they bring up, has been almost magical. It's as though the rift that has opened up between has closed a small bit. Lucy and I actually went out together, and never once did I feel annoyed or exasperated with her, even when she stopped to talk to a stray dog on one of the street corners. My sister and I were once the closest of friends, inseparable in every way. There was a time, after we came back from the Professor's house, that she told me every secret she had, in the trust that I, her older sister, would keep them safe for her. We used to have so much fun together, and these last few days make me wonder how we ever grew apart. Of course there are times she still acts ridiculously childish, but I find those events to be endearing, refreshing even. When those times come I cannot find it in my heart to tell her to grow up, maybe because I have begun to realize she already has.

A yell splits the air, jolting me out of my reverie, my pulse begins to beat loudly in my ears as a blurry picture darts into my mind, accompanied by a strange garbled echo. A boy, his face almost unrecognizable, riding astride a white horse. No, not a horse as I had originally thought but a unicorn! I see the indigo horn clear as day now. Strange phantoms surround him, viscous creatures that are the things of nightmares. The boy yells something, but the sound has already begun to fade away, and the picture is disappearing too. I believe it was a war cry.

The vision disappears as quickly as it comes, leaving me shivering in the warm sunshine. I whip my head around, expecting a hoard of vile creatures to descend upon my siblings and me. But nothing is there, indeed nothing ever was there.

Someone yells again and I turn back, searching for my siblings. For the moment the only one I can see is Lucy, sitting at the base of a tree, laughing at something rolling on the ground. Panic sweeps over me, and I look more carefully for my brothers. But there they are, and I realize the thing on the ground is them, wrestling each other. I feel relief settle over me like a heavy blanket to see them all safe. It is especially comforting to hear Peter's laughter, ringing through the air loud and clear, like a chorus of bells. Because there was a brief, fleeting moment before the vision faded back into the oblivion, that I thought the boy riding a snow white unicorn was Peter.

I try to shrug off the thought and all the other strange feelings that the image awakens by turning back to the trees and my sister and brothers. A smile slowly creeps across my face as I watch my brothers tussling in the grass, fighting for the upper hand. Apparently Edmund still has a few moves up his sleeve that our older brother doesn't know about, because he smirks infuriatingly. It is surprising that Peter doesn't know all of Edmund's moves, seeing as they have become so close. I've envied them for the closeness they share, their friendship, their ability to trust each other so completely. Edmund would follow Peter anywhere, to death and back if he could manage it. His unshakeable faith, just as his fairness in judgement to everything and everyone he comes across, are things that those older than him do not posses. He loves all of us deeply, perhaps is almost as protective as Peter is, but I believe that when it comes to our brother, Edmund really will lay everything on the line without a moment's hesitation.

To describe Peter is harder than describing Edmund. He does everything with such single-minded discipline and self sacrifice, that some of his friends have taken to calling him "General Peter" as a joke. But he deserves more of a title than that, one that he has been called before, and I cannot think of it. Peter is the rock of our own family in many ways. He is the support for Mum and Dad when they don't know how to handle the new situations their own children present them, such as Edmund in the aftermath of a nightmare. He's the strong arm for Lucy and Edmund, a source of comfort and strength that they cling to as they struggle to live in this world when they are so obviously different from others their age.

Marilyn said little more than a week or so ago, "Their eyes are so different, like they know things. Like they've lived it already." I used to look in the mirror, sometimes hoping, sometimes fearing, that my own eyes would start to look like theirs. Like how Edmund looks when he plays our father in chess, or Lucy when she cares for someone who has been hurt, (usually one of the boys on our block) keeping her head far better than girls three times her age, as if she has seen worse pain, or smelled blood often enough that it can no longer bother her. Since I returned from America, my eyes have been normal, or what other people call normal. But lately they've begun to look different. My eyes look very much like the visions that dance across my mind. Blurry, unfocused, and unsure, but still it's there. It reminds me of the look my siblings have, only where theirs are bright and strong, mine are weak and wavy, phantoms that might fly away at the first hint of the sun.

"Susan!"

I glance up, and I can feel my smile grow wider as my younger sister continues running towards me. Lucy plops down on the blanket, her cheeks flushed, her eyes glowing with pure delight.

"Lu, did Peter get Ed in a headlock again? He looked as though he might win." I give a mock sigh.

Lucy lets out a small giggle, and it sounds so nice that I can't help but join in. For the next few minutes we laugh so hard that we can't find the breath to speak. It feels nice to laugh with Lucy, like we had never stopped being friends. The giggles subside eventually and we sit in silence, catching our breath and enjoying the pleasantness of a day sent with a dear friend.After a moment or two Lucy turns to look at me. Her eyes still dance with mirth, but now there is also a new tenderness and hesitation about her, like she wants to tell me something but isn't sure how.

"Su," she begins slowly. "I've made you something, and I . . . I hope you like it."

She runs back to her original seat by the trees and scoops something up. She brings back to the blanket two beautiful wild flower wreaths, made with lilies. One is an arrangement of orange tiger lilies with white baby's breath mixed in. The other is made from snow white lilies, intermixed with blue bells.

"Oh Lucy, how beautiful. They are simply lovely," I whisper, thoroughly touched that she made these for the two of us.

Lucy's face lights up at the praise and she gives me one of the most heartfelt and glowing smiles I've seen in years.

I take the wreath of white lilies and place it on her head. After a bit of fussing on my part, (my sister should look perfect after all) it lies on her head beautifully, surrounding her with its sweet fragrance.

"There we go!" I say brightly, taking my own wreath and slipping it on my head. The weight feels familiar, and it's surprising that I feel so at home with something akin to a crown on my head.

"A queen should always wear a crown when she is among her subjects." I tease.

Lucy freezes, her face turning from delight to surprised awe. I hold back the reaction to shake my head, or retort sharply that I hadn't meant that. I had meant to say _A Lady_, and I can't figure out where I had gotten queen. Lucy isn't a queen of anything except her family's heart, for she is the soft spot of all of us. She is even the soft spot in my heart, which is perhaps why I pushed her away so ardently before. Yet somehow I know that I haven't made a mistake in saying queen. Frustration wells up within me. I am tired of seeing things and hearing sounds I don't understand. I almost want to shout at Lucy, to stop her beaming at me as if I've done something wonderful when I haven't. But Lucy looks so happy, and none of this is her fault after all, she simply gave me a gift.

I force away my frustration, refusing to let it color such a wonderful day. I stand, offering Lucy my hand to help her up as well. I brush of the grass that clings to her, a smile slipping back on my face as I do. It's close to impossible to be in Lucy's presence and feel unhappy as long as you let her into your heart.

"Come on then little queen, let us go find our most noble brothers."

As we walk towards Peter and Edmund, their laughter and shouts of indignation filling the clearing, I try to work out what these things that float in front of my eyes could be. If they were only thoughts created by my mind, than they were sure to disappear in time. But if they're not, I'm not sure which I want more; to never remember, or to remember every precious moment. Both might have consequences that I am not prepared to deal with.


End file.
